After a recent discussion (read: potentially friendship ending argument) about which cartoon characters would dutifully serve as our Commander and Chief, a few things were learned:

1. Cartoon superheroes are out of the equation. They aren’t real, yo.
2. You don’t insult a man’s favorite childhood cartoon character. They have feelings about such things.
3. The best candidates are often children.
4. There really is a lack of viable female candidates.
5. Disney characters rarely make the cut. Looney Tunes characters often do.

On point 3, see:

• Lisa Simpson: 8 years old, an excellent musician, anti-war, maybe a bit emotional at times, but she’s 8. Also, she has experience in leadership during the tooth in soda experiment, although that ended badly…
• Stewie Griffin: 1 year old, a little flamboyant, probably would be a harsh, dictator like ruler, but he’s intelligent. The main fears here would mainly be his likely national budget busting military expenditures on destroying his mother. I think he’ll succeed quickly though, and will look for other hobbies soon thereafter. Healthcare reform, anyone? Maybe, but we’ll never know.
• Stan Marsh: A fourth grader who offers intellectual views on homosexuality, civil rights, immigration, and other serious national issues. While slightly foul mouthed, what fourth grader isn’t? The important thing is he isn’t bogged down by worthless partisan debates.

On point 5, see:

• Winnie the Pooh: Anyone see another Taft like bathtub incident in the future? While that isn’t a reason enough to put Pooh down, his track record of getting things done without his crew is disheartening. Take into account his general laggardness, its basically business as usual in Washington. No thank you.
• Porky the Pig: He’s like Gerald Ford: you know he existed, but you’re not really sure what he did. And you can see him tripping over things. And seriously, I think a requirement to being the President is wearing pants.
• Micky Mouse: Sounds like a good choice. Can’t really think of anything bad. Which is reason to believe he’s a pushover or a privately horrible person. I personally see him in the Tiger Woods mold.
• Elmer Fudd: He’d have the conservative vote with his stance on the second amendment, but too much 19th century thinking.
• Yosemite Sam: He’d make a solid president in the Andrew Jackson mold, but his track record is rather slim, and this is the 21st century. Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck do see him as a respectable adversary, so I will as well, but I just don’t think he’s the type that can adjust to this ever changing world.
• Marvin the Martian: Throwing in him in here because he’s a personal favorite. He’s a Martian though, so not eligible. Sadface.
• Aladdin: Hot girl, but Middle Eastern past will hurt him in popular vote. Rags to riches story is endearing, though.
• Woody from Toy Story: A natural leader, but needs Buzz around to keep him levelheaded. There’s no place for two alpha males in the white house.

Other potential candidates include:

• Spongebob: All I can say is: no. You’re not even a cartoon character in my eyes.
• Homer Simpson: He’s the common man, and he’s gotten more intelligent recently, but his past as an alcoholic and child abuser, and to a lesser extent, his idiocy, will hold him back.
• Pinky and the Brain: They come as a team. We’ve seen this administration recently, and it doesn’t turn out well (read: Bush and the Cheney).
• Peter Griffin: Like Homer, he’s the everyday guy, but also a complete moron. He does have a solid backing with Brian, but having Koolaid man crashing into the Whitehouse on occasion isn’t going to sit well with the public picking up the bill. That and his family literally destroying any respectability remaining in the Whitehouse makes this a no-go. Also, his daughter’s looks isn’t going to win him any votes.
• Fred Flintstone: Wilma or Barney would probably be better as they generally save him from his hardheadedness every episode. Still, he’s got some interesting ideas for a green lifestyle.
• Underdog: Cute and underestimated, but always comes up on top. Still, don’t think he’d want the Presidency, and he might look too ‘Street’ to capture the affluent vote.

So who makes the cut? While no conclusion was reached, I feel the following administration would be solid:

Secretary of Health: Popeye

Hear me out. He could be defense secretary, but he’ll make more inroads getting children to eat their vegetables. He did for me.

Secretary of Transportation: The Roadrunner

He keeps his head down, doesn’t talk much, and knows how to get around. Fast. I can’t think of any better qualifications.

Secretary of the Interior: Yosemite Sam

If he can get over his differences with Bugs and control his temper, he’d have our national parks’ best interests in mind.

Secretary of Defense: Elmer Fudd

Also will need to get over his differences with Bugs, but I think he will for this post that utilizes his strengths: Guns. Give the man credit when its due. He’s not the best strategist, but that guy is in the oval office.

Secretary of Agriculture: Rabbit from Winnie the Pooh

He’s respectable and will get the job done.

Secretary of Labor: Wiley E. Coyote

He’s your working man. Give him something for his toils.

Attorney General: Virgil from Mighty Max

This might be the only one I’m truly sure about.

Secretary of State: Porky the Pig

The thing people forget about him is he’s got some intelligence and is likeable. I think he’ll have a knack for foreign policy.

Vice President: Daffy Duck

I’m not personally a fan, but he’s the classic wingman, a second tier star. Vice presidents don’t do much anyways, and there is a fear that he is second in line to the Presidency, but I’ve never seen anyone leave a scratch on Bugs; he’s not going anywhere.

President: Bugs Bunny

He’s a smooth talker, gets along with almost everyone, and possibly the most cunning cartoon character of our time. He’s got his baggage, but no other candidate separates himself from the field as much as Bugs. All he needs to solve our most glaring problems is a carrot. We’ve got plenty of those.  He’s refreshingly straightforward and doesn’t take sides. He’s the perfect person to make clearheaded decisions about the country’s future. He’s a shoe-in any election, easily commanding votes from both sides with his charisma and name recognition. His position with the heartland might be hurt by his bachelorness (he’d be the first bachelor president since Buchanan), but maybe he and Lola might finally settle down and we’d have a couple as powerful as the Kennedy’s.

An example a friend pointed out:

Anyways, the election party moved to a Theater in the U-District for some Improv focusing solely on the election. Unfortunately, by the time we made it out the theater, Obama already had about 200 electoral votes, and with the west coast remaining, it was pretty obviously Obama was going to win. Luckily the show was still pretty humorous and they went just about all night. We were able to follow the Senate and House elections as well as the major propositions of the evening, and were able to catch both speeches.

side note: By the way, incredibly jealous of anyone who was able to make it out to Grant Park. Not fair, not fair at all.

Results from the election:

1. Obama won.
2. I’m immensely happy its over. I was growing tired of it about a month and a half ago.
3. After spending time on the west coast, its pretty obvious that the electoral system is no longer applicable. Your vote doesn’t count. You can try to say this is an un-American view point and a bad excuse for not voting, except that it’s true. By 6pm PST, it was obvious that Obama was going to win. The networks just needed the 8pm PST closing time of west coast state polls to call it. Hilariously, no votes needed to be counted, even though these states had just finished voting. McCain promptly gave his concession speech. If you already know the outcome of the election before you have a chance to vote, what’s the point? Do you really feel any better for not contributing? With a popular vote, one person might not directly make a difference (due to issues with vote counting), but 100 would. What’s more, seeing how the election is doing as the polls come in across the country might actually might bring more people out to vote, as they could have a real impact. One state might have more votes counted in this situation, but hey, their residents made the effort.

Soonish, I’ll discuss the day after, and today (John Hodgman).

Presidential election

Obama winning

CNN being dumb

Political Improv

Other election crazyiness

Jeff Bezos

Tom Cruise

Valkyrie

Double header

Bolt

Madagascar 2

Minneapolis???

1. The belief that certain persons or members of certain classes or groups deserve favored treatment by virtue of their perceived superiority, as in intellect, social status, or financial resources.
2. 1. The sense of entitlement enjoyed by such a group or class.
   2. Control, rule, or domination by such a group or class.

So I’ve grown tired of the incessant use of the word elite in this year’s presidential campaign. I figured, in my time of annoyance, why not have some fun.

Here’s the breakdown:

Political Demographics of US (in terms of registered votes [Wikipedia]:

Income Demographics of US 2004 Presidential Election [CNN]:

please forgive my spelling…

Adjusting that for a better look:

Unfortunately, I was unable to find generic Party Identification Demographics by Income, and the fact that the Republicans won this election skews this graph a good deal. In fact, party identification by percentage of population generally always favors the Democrats, although I’m too lazy to go out and prove that.

Regardless, there’s an obvious trend here: the liberal elite, in general, apparently make a good deal less than their conservative populist counterparts. While elitism can be defined as perceived intellectual superiority or social status, I’m highly doubtful those under the poverty line would proclaim themselves as such.

Anyways, I just think words, for the most part, come predefined, so let’s just start using them that way…

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